A Splash of Romance: 10 Quality Time Activities My Husband and I Love
I’ve taken the Love Languages test more times than I can count over the years. If you aren’t familiar with the love languages, this graphic from Simply Psychology does a pretty good job of explaining them. As an overview, the options are Words of Affirmation, Quality Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch. The idea behind the love languages is that everyone gives and receives love differently. If we can understand the way the people around us prefer to receive love (even if it’s different from us), we can better meet their needs. If you can’t name your preferences just by looking at the list above, you can take the quiz for free here.
As a high schooler, I remember the top of my list was Acts of Service. Over time, as my relationship with my boyfriend—and eventually husband—deepened, Quality Time slowly climbed up the ladder of favor, nudging Acts of Service from its first place position. I will say that I do think everyone needs all five components of the love, but depending on our season of life I think we are each drawn to different expressions of love.
My husband and I both love quality time together, but now that we have a fifteen month old, it’s not as easy as it was when we were newlyweds to take off on spontaneous weekend getaways or have late night dinners at fancy restaurants. Our lives have come to revolve around our son’s needs and schedule, which is beautiful in its own way but also means we need to put a little more effort into getting time to hang out and connect as husband and wife. As our family continues to grow, I know we will need to put even more effort into carving out time to concentrate on our relationship.
But even amidst the busyness of childrearing and a full day’s work, these are some of our favorite activities to connect with each other!
1. Going for a walk
Right now this is my favorite way to unwind after a long day. We recently bought a new house and it’s in a great neighborhood for walking, so lately we’ve loved putting Luke in his stroller when my husband gets off work and taking a spin around the neighborhood. I’m still figuring out how to fit this with having dinner ready and getting Luke to bed on time, but there is something so cathartic about getting the blood pumping in our legs and letting our thoughts flow freely as we move in the same direction. The weather has been warm and sunny and our walks have been beautiful. Sometimes we talk about work and our days, sometimes we talk about what’s stressing us out, and sometimes we talk about our dreams. But regardless, at the end of the thirty minutes (or hour if we’re lucky) I am physically and emotionally in step with my husband.
2. Watching a show/movie
TV and movies get a bad rap sometimes as we move toward less technological hobbies. While that’s not an altogether bad push, there is something really cozy and simple about a night in, curled up on the couch with some snacks, and watching a great piece of cinematic entertainment. I’ve gone back and forth about this and while I don’t personally watch TV or movies by myself, I love watching something after Luke goes to bed on the nights my husband has a light enough workload to do so. We’ve watched different kinds of shows, but I especially enjoy shows that are light-hearted and end each episode with a resolution so you don’t feel like it’s impossible to stop watching. Think The Office, Parks and Recreation, New Girl. We’re currently watching Ted Lasso and enjoying it a lot.
3. Coffee dates
My husband and I have been loving coffee dates since the early years of our relationship. It’s one of our favorite ways to acquaint ourselves with any new place we’re visiting and it always makes us feel a little more in touch with the locale wherever we are. When our son was tiny, (think three months) we were in coffee shops constantly because he could nap in his stroller while we sipped our lattes and talked about whatever was on our mind. My husband and I are big talkers and there’s something about the coffee shop environment that stimulates thoughtful discussion. Now that our son is a little older and has more energy, we’re figuring out ways to make sure he’s having fun while we sip our lattes. More to come on this. 🙂
4. Shopping
I really love shopping together. From clothing runs at the mall to strolling around Home Goods to grabbing a few interesting food items at Whole Foods, I love perusing the aisles together and chatting as we look at everything around us. Especially now that I buy most of our groceries/home items during the weekdays, I find myself longing for the opportunity to do this with my husband. Some of my favorite shopping locations are the mall, cutesy boutique strips, antique stores, thrift stores, Home Goods and Whole Foods (as mentioned above), Trader Joes, and even Wal-Mart. I’ve had this date idea in my head for a while where we wander around Wal-Mart and look at all the home decor and craft supplies and then have lunch before leaving. Heck, today I went to Home Depot (I hated Home Depot as a kid), but all I could think as I pushed Luke around in his truck-shaped shopping cart was Dang, it would be so fun to come back here with Hubs. It doesn’t have to be crazy. And honestly, window shopping is a blast too if you’re trying to save money.
5. Car ride chats
We live in a big city and that means things are spread apart and there’s traffic. From driving to church on Sundays to weekday evening activities, we end up in the car together for good stretches of time. And as long as Luke is peaceful and entertained—he’s really been enjoyed reading books on drives lately—then this is another one of my favorite opportunities to catch up, share thoughts, or listen to our favorite songs together.
6. Parallel hobbies
While we don’t have the same interests, it’s been important to us from the genesis of our relationship to spend as much time as possible together. Maybe this is because we were long distance for all of college, and the possibility to do our own activities side-by-side wasn’t available. Maybe it’s because my husband still travels one to two weeks a month for work. We really try to spend as much of our free time as possible together because we know it’s limited and we want to soak up as much of it as possible. One of my husband’s favorite hobbies is basketball. In our engagement, and early in our marriage before our kiddo, I used to bring a book or journal at the park while he played with his friends and then after we all went out to dinner together. Now that I have Luke with me, I like to take him on a walk around the surrounding neighborhood or watch him play on the playground. Sometimes I bring a blanket for him to play on and a book for me to read.
7. Jamming out together
This is one of those early things my husband and I have been doing together since high school. He’s an excellent musician and I love to sing. One of my favorite ways to unwind after a long day is when he brings his guitar out and starts playing all our favorite songs. We get to sing at the top of our lungs and forget that life is heavy. Our kiddo loves it too. When he first started crawling, he’d sway on the floor and laugh while his dad played the guitar. This is one of my favorite activities to do together and I know it’s only going to get better as our family grows.
8. Daily check-ins
The days are long but it’s important for us to make them beautiful. When my husband’s working from home, we try to touch base in the morning before he logs on for the day, at lunchtime, and then in the mid-afternoon when he takes a coffee break. A routine like this isn’t possible with every project he takes on—he’s had some that are completely in-person every week and in another state—but we soak up the opportunity when we’re together. And when we’re not, we try to text each other little updates throughout the day and block out chunks of time for FaceTime or phone calls in the evening.
Life is busy and adulting is hard. It can feel easy to let your relationship slip through the cracks, to focus on the endless to-do list stretching out in front of you. But love is built on little things. Grand gestures are wonderful, but what matters is that every day you’re showing up for each other and being active, present participants in each other’s lives. These are some of the ways we do that for each other.
Thank you for reading!
Verily,
Kyrie
